Dailies... How we spent our time, money, energy and what we ate. An accountability process.

Ok, so this is the first post of our 'Dailies' feature... I didn't get a chance to do it last night because I wasn't sure how it was all going to shake out and Kyle was running out the door for game night at One Up, so I didn't get a chance to sit and interview him about his first day on our new plan. What I gathered and what I can contribute from my own experience is this:

We spent about $30 dollars between the two of us on groceries/meals (I bought a coffee and low fat cheese sticks for breakfast yesterday and he bought two slices of Pizza for supper... the rest was spent at the grocery store) This only happened because a) I haven't been shopping in a while and b) we were both on the run... I woke up late and didn't have time to grab anything, anyway and he didn't have time to stay home long enough for me to make something. I think we can remedy these occurrences when he starts getting regular paychecks again. I have big plans for going back to shopping at the farmer's market and cooking more often/pre-preparing meals for the week. Anyway, I usually spend a lot more on snacks and drinks while I'm at work... mostly because I get so bored that I end up emotionally eating, just to keep from going crazy. Thinking about having to share all that with you guys pushed me to abstain. It's embarrassing how I have spent my days here and I am happy that I can be open and honest about my relationship with this job and what's become of me being here. It feels good to talk about it, to address it and hopefully definitely kick its ass! More importantly, kick my own ass. Sorry for the language, I just need to get super intense right now about all of this. I digress.

Now I have to share about how I ate. It's not going to be pretty... The day started off ok. I ate one and a half low fat cheese sticks, two packs of instant oatmeal, coffee with french vanilla creamer and sugar (its all toxic, I'm aware, but its a step up from where I've been, trust me) I then just drank water for the rest of the day because I didn't bring lunch with me and I didn't want to spend any more money out... But I didn't really feel hungry, so I let it go. By the time I got around to 5 o'clock, I still wasn't hungry but I was so stressed out from being supremely bored, anxious, tired and feeling trapped at my desk in addition to my excruciating commute home in the dark that I got out of control when I went home. I had sushi AND mac & cheese plus a piece of pumpkin cheesecake and chips. I then felt too tired to do anything that I wanted to accomplish and I promptly laid down with Ellie and watched cheesy Christmas movies until 1:30 am. Kyle did a little better, I think. Oatmeal for breakfast, eggs for lunch and pizza for supper with chips as a snack. Not the healthiest but he didn't eat a bunch of snacks like we are used to. I still need to research the two diets we are thinking about switching to. We really do have a desire to eat better and more healthfully, we are just trying to cut back on the junk and get a better grip on how to feed ourselves well. More specifically for me, get over my addiction and stop eating when I can't handle my life.

As far as the other things I want to try to start doing on the daily, I didn't read or pray, budget my time or do any chores. I don't know that Kyle did either. But he IS already up to season 6 of Doctor Who, so he will be ready for the Christmas Day regen... haha. I'm joking, but still. It's all a work in progress and so far, it has already inspired us to be a little more intentional. That's all I wanted. I pray that we will continue to think and grow in this way and talk to each other more and more.

I'm not going to be able to post the link to any of my social media until later tonight, because, guess what!! Our phones got shut off yesterday!! Haha. I'm not upset. Just another obstacle to overcome. And we WILL overcome.

Thank you all for the continued support and encouragement. XO!


Currently listening to: Desert Soul by Rend Collective Experiment

Some ponderings and extractions of growth & strength from my marriage.

I've been thinking about my marriage a lot lately. Sounds silly, because I live in it everyday but sometimes, as human nature allows, I take it for granted. It's easy to get swept up in the grind of daily living, and as the last few months have sketched out for me, I've been a serious pain in the ass for myself and my poor husband. I've been bratty, insensitive, and a negative nancy. I mean, I've been grappling with trying to stay positive but Kyle has seen me fall apart more times than I care to admit. He's also stepped up and led me when I couldn't lead myself. It has caused me to view him in a whole new way, which has caused me to be more vulnerable than I ever have been... with him or anyone else. Where I usually have walls and look for quick exits, I'm learning how to put down oak tree roots with people. I'm learning how to be open again and let my heart be accessible. It may be easier to get hurt when my heart is open, but it's also easier for more love to come in and out.

Being married has been the best growth and stretching experience of my life. These difficult times we've been walking through have revealed a lot of our characters and the strength that our life has conditioned us to. Kyle, as it turns out, is the kind of man that steps up to the plate when we need a grand slam. When all seems muddled and unclear, he makes some sense out of the mess. As we grow older, I can see that he is the kind of man I can follow and trust him to get us where we are going. As for me, I may not be the captain I always imagined myself to be, but a surprising twist to me, is that I have the unfathomable ability to hang on tight when the winds pick up. I may have little energy for anything else, but I'm clinging to hope, and that's more than I can say for a lot of other people. I may have complained a lot recently, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and that, along with my inimitable husband & the strength I find in Jesus, has changed my attitude. I know now that no matter what happens, whatever the world strips away from me, nothing matters except relationships and how to love people better. It really all does boil down to Love God, Love people. The rest is circumstantial and as it's becoming obvious, circumstances are ephemeral.

I just want to write an open love offering, first to God, for bringing Kyle to me. For turning every painful step of my life into the path that would lead me to this man. I'm eternally grateful and humbled to be given the special responsibility and honor of caring about and loving someone so precious.

Secondly to Kyle, for pushing me more than I ever thought I could be pushed or even go. For helping me learn more about myself and life than I could possibly learn on my own. Thank you for helping me see that it's lonely business keeping everyone out and at a distance, that nothing worth having is easy, and that going forward, even when a person is scared, is what strengthens character. You are my best friend, love and captain.

I was just discussing the concept of soul mates with a friend. It is my belief that you don't find your soul mate... You choose someone worthy of your heart, and then they become your soul mate. The difficult and strenuous times mold and shape us so we fit together perfectly. The hard times are good for us, because they grow us. These last couple months have pushed and tested Kyle and I... it is these times that are drawing us together. He is my soul mate and I know in my heart, that we are here for the long haul.

What are some of the lessons you learned from your marriage? Leave your answers in the comments below.




Listening to: Hey Ya covered by Obadiah Parker

Trading in 'skinny' for Strength

I made a facebook update about this yesterday, but I felt like I needed to expound upon my thoughts. After clocking around 30 miles in the last two weeks, I can already feel my legs getting stronger. So much so that I haven't woken myself up with a charlie horse in quite some time and when I get out of bed in the morning, my feet don't hurt nearly as much as they used to. Dealing with plantar fascitis for the last three years has been hellish and debilitating, but the last few weeks have been almost pleasant for my feet and me. I can take stairs easier, walk longer, breathe easier. It's a gorgeous feeling and I feel that way about myself. Some new and ground breaking thoughts sort of came rushing in yesterday and I think it's the most healthy I have ever percieved myself and my goals. I no longer just want to be 'skinny'. I absolutely want to be smaller, but now, it's for the right reasons. Not because someone told me that skinny neccessarily equals beautiful, but because being a smaller person would allow me to do things I haven't been able to do in a long time or ever. Not only do I want to be a smaller person, but I want to be a strong person. I want my body to have strength and grace so that I can enjoy what I'm doing. Three months ago, I couldn't be on my feet for longer than a few hours. Now, I'm marveling at how strong my calves feel and how far they can take me. One of my best friends once told me that I need to make working out a hobby; that I need to get to a point where I enjoyed doing it. I could never understand where he was coming from before because my goals of 'getting skinny' weren't enough to make me want to do the hard work. It was a lazy goal but, now, feeling the rewards of working harder than I ever have is leading me to want to put the time and effort in. Now, I'm addicted to feeling my body strengthen. It is so good. As trite as this sounds, nothing is more fitting for me right now than the Nike slogan, 'Just Do It'. I got to a point where I ran out of excuses and I just went out there and started working for it. Some of the miles are challenging, mentally, but I can't think of many things that are more rewarding than doing the best for your body. I wish I would have gotten here sooner.

Quality time, relationships, tlc and confidence

Well, I had a super long weekend starting from Thursday night. Kyle texted me early in the morning and said he wanted to stay over in Philly so he could get some extra training in the next day. I worked it out so that I could have off on Friday and planned to work on our yard, which desperately needed some labor intensive hours this weekend. I didn't end up doing my normal 8 ish mile walk home that evening, because I knew if I wanted to have enough energy to work outside, I wasn't going to be able to do the trek home. Good thing Berks county, at least, has a few decent taxi services to call upon, despite the very lacking public bus system. The 22 bucks I spent getting home was worth the price to be able to work some earth Friday morning.

I treated myself to some sushi and strawberries with whipped cream when I got home, for the long week I put in... 39 hours of work plus 23 miles of walk. It was a nice quiet evening and I fell asleep with my dog next to me. Friday morning came early. Rachel woke me up around 8:30 and she took me to Home Depot so I could buy a new lawn mower, finally. I also picked up an electric chainsaw so I could begin chopping down the awful bushes that have been taking over my yard for way too long. I can't begin to describe the feeling that overcame as I began hacking away at the terror trees. Anyway, I spent a good amount of time putting the lawn mower together with only one of the right size wrenches I needed and a vise grip... sonuva-b. That was annoying but supremely exciting when I finally got it all together and revved up the engine. Ellie was excited too... I had to keep yelling at her to get away from the mower so she wouldn't get her little paws chopped off. She such a silly pants sometimes.The yard looks better, but we still have a long way to go. I also need to call the electric company to get them to come and trim the trees where the branches are hanging out with the power lines. Soon enough, the yard will be pretty and I won't feel like the Clampits of the neighborhood.

Friday night, I watched this mini series called The Runaway. It. Broke. My. Heart! Holy crap... it was seedy and devastating. It's Monday morning and I'm still tearing up at the thought of some of the things I saw and how well the actors portrayed them. I know it wasn't real and it's based off of a crime novel, but I can't help but imagine that somewhere, these things happen. I mean obviously, they do, I just don't think about it because I never have to really see it. The piece was so moving that it was something else I added to the column of reasons why I'd like to adopt a baby. I want to save someone from the heartache of the things I watched. So heavy:(

Saturday night, I got to spend time with some of Kyle's friends that I hadn't, previously. We played Cards Against Humanity, ate pizza and I got to try a gluten free beer called, Angry Orchard, which was delicioso! I had a really great time with them and am happy that they are good people and Kyle has some more people he can lean on & care about. I think good friends really make someone a well rounded person.

Sunday was spent working more on the yard and then swimming, again, with Kyle's friends. Andrew invited us to his father's house for swimming, games and a cook out. I was nursing a dehydration headache and didn't really start to feel better until later, but I made the best of it. We played Uno and I got to meet Andrew's family.

The weekend was one of the better ones I've had in a long time. I got to spend the first part of it giving our home some much needed tlc and spending quality time with Ellie. Then I got to spend quality time with Rachel when she took me shopping Friday morning. It was a welcome treat after not seeing her for a few weeks, now that she's on a different shift than me. I spent the next two days going out with Kyle and meeting some fun, new friends. I even felt really great getting dressed and putting some make up on. Spending the previous week walking and thinking about my food choices has really boosted my confidence. I even took a 'selfie' to mark the occasion. I made some good choices eating, even though I went off the track a bit with the pizza and cookout, but I still think I'm doing much better. A new acquaintance of mine sent me a link to an interesting food blog that has really funny headers on each post. I got a kick out of it but more importantly, it is a fantastic resource for me to try new, healthy recipes. I'm on my way to a healthier, more thoughtful future. I feel good about where I've been and where I'm headed. Feels good man.

XO.

Here's some photos I remembered to grab over the weekend.

 Got to spend some time with this silly pup! Love her little face<3 .="" br="">

Used my headphones so much in the last two weeks, being active, that I broke them! 

One of the headers from the food blog I was recently shown.  I'll post the link soon.

 

Selfie. I feel like my chest still takes over but I'm really starting to feel fantastic. My feet don't hurt as much and I can feel myself getting stronger. I can't wait to be strong enough to do things like climb and kayak!!! Fit life, here I come!

A healthy salad I had over the weekend. Organic spring mix, blue corn tortilla chips, a broken up cranberry & pistachio bar and pomegranite vinaigrette. To many more healthy choices!



What did you do over the weekend? Tell us in the comments below! 

Training for a 5k; staying positive

I'm. SO. tired.

Since Saturday, I've walked 15.12 miles. 8.5 of them last night alone. That's why I didn't have a chance to post last night. I came home and had zero energy for anything except eating, showering, feeding the pets and going to sleep. My muscles hurt mostly in the good way but I am having a little trouble with my feet and ankle. I took some aspirin and am drinking water today, so, I'm hoping I'll be ready for round three this week of the long walk home. If I can do this two more times by Saturday, I'll have walked 30 miles! Which is exciting. And terrifying! I just want a long, long nap. Something exciting that I woke up to this morning; in posting my workout stats to FB, I got invited to participate in another 5k in October. I have to push through, I can't give up. Here's a few photos to share my progress.

These are from Monday:

Tuesday:

I've been trying to eat cleaner, as well. This is lunch I made for all week of quinoa & an avocado. Very tasty! 

This is definitely a part of my journey where I have to keep fighting the negative thoughts & doubts that are creeping in and pray A LOT! I'm already tired and have a little bit of anxiety about today's walk. I know I can do it and it's an investment in my future. Nothing good comes easy.


What are some ways that you have stayed positive during difficult times? Respond in the comments below!

16 things I learned from being an adult.

Yesterday, I had the startling realization that I am, in fact, an adult. Something that had previously escaped my knowledge for reasons unknown to me, however, now that I know it, the idea is liberating. It sounds silly to me to say it like this, but I'm doing it anyway (because, hey... I'm a grown up and I can do what I want... mostly.) but it feels like I literally got a new lens to look through. My perspective changed, in an instant. Where there were once roadblocks, there is now open possibilities. I can see opportunities that I was missing before and also the closed doors of what I, admittedly, shouldn't even bother with anymore. I'm still a little stressed about situations, but I'm starting to see that it's only that; situations. The only transcendental thing about life is our connections with each other; our relationships. Becoming the best version of myself that I can be is the greatest way to take part in the most rewarding aspect of living on earth. Here's a list of 16 things I've picked up along the way that make me feel like a decent adult.

1) Get out of your head. I don't know about you, but I spend a lot of time in my brain, getting cozy with my limiting beliefs. I entertain them, invite them in and let them use my good China. It is for this reason that I haven't been able to really accomplish the big things I've dreamed about... I have a living room full of 'NOs' and I'm giving them my full attention. It's time to kick out the things that say you 'can't', put your coat on, and step outside to experience the world as it actually is.

2) Share your stuff. Share your clothes, share your house, share your food, share your money, share your time. Hands that are open to give, are open to receive. Not only that but, when you share, you are reinforcing your connection to people; somewhere deep down, it makes you realize that we all have the same needs. Sharing strengthens your empathy muscle.

3) Take care of yourself. A cup can only continue to supply you with water if it is constantly being refilled. When you refill and recharge yourself mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally, you will always have enough of yourself to give to other people. Inversely, when you neglect yourself to try to take care of everyone and everything, you will burn out easy.

4) Learn to say 'NO'. Be it to yourself when you want to buy something and can't afford it or to someone else when they are not respecting your boundaries. No is an important word to master and sometimes takes a lot of practice, but strengthening the skill to say it can save you a lot of pain and aggravation later on. It also shows people that you respect yourself enough acknowledge your own boundaries.

5) Learn to say 'Yes'. Knowing your boundaries is good. Hiding from things that are potentially life changing and amazing... not so much. Get out there!

6) Volunteer. Anywhere. Everywhere! Figure out what pulls at your heartstrings and go lend a hand. The feeling that you get from giving back from the community is incredible. I'm telling you that there aren't many things more satisfying than giving your time, energy, and love to renewing and lifting people up. You will feel blessed, humbled and thankful.

7) Return your library books on time. This sounds silly, perhaps, but when you bring back your books on time, you are showing respect for your local library and fellow book readers. You are building trust that you are a reliable human being. This translates over to putting your cart back in the corral after shopping, putting things back where you got it, cleaning up your trash, etc. It's courteous. And people like other people who are courteous.

8) Speaking of books, read them. When you read, you don't just gain information, you work your brain muscle. When your brain is strong, it works and processes better, which can lead to better communication, problem solving, and forward thinking. Do it, you won't regret it. Plus, you'll have plenty of stuff to talk about at parties;)

9) Speaking of parties, learn to network. This skill is invaluable. Let me repeat, THIS SKILL IS INVALUABLE. It can lead you to opportunities that you might not have otherwise known about or had access to. It could land you a job of a lifetime, a friendship/partnership/relationship, adventure! You could introduce someone to someone else, and that introduction sparked a romance or a crazy great business idea and later, that someone remembers you when a great opportunity comes up. It is a constantly moving web of interaction and connection that can lead you to (great!) roads unknown!

10) Surround yourself with positive people. You are most influenced and most like the five people closest to you. Think about who your 'Five' are. Do they build you up and support you? Or do they tear you down? A little bit of refocusing and finding a community to support your goals and dreams could be all that you need to start achieving your goals.

11) STOP. WATCHING. TV. It's distracting and it's easy to do, so you aren't getting any value out of it for your mind or body. I guess there is something to be said for documentaries and shows with solid, informational content, but really, you can get that anywhere. Seriously. Just stop it. Do you really need to re-watch the season finale of The Mindy project? No.

12) Smile and say hello to people. It makes you memorable and it makes people feel good/want to be around you. It's easy and costs nothing! Even if you feel terrible, paste on a smile and you'll probably start to feel better anyway.

13) Say what you mean. Do not try to wrap things up in subtext and expect the other person to understand what you meant/wanted/felt. People can't read minds and it's very frustrating to try to improve communication and work on achieving goals in a relationship when one or both people are not being clear. Besides, if you just say what you actually meant in the first place, it gives the other person a chance to respond accordingly instead of spending valuable time trying to figure out what you meant.

14) Be serious about your health. Not only will you have more energy when you eat right and exercise, but feeling fantastic can improve your mental state too. I get very moody when I don't feel well. As I age, I'm starting to pay attention to what my body is trying to tell me because I'd rather spend more days feeling great than not. Plus, your brain releases hormones that make you feel good when you exercise! It's a win every time!

15) Learn how to be responsible with money. You can spend a whole lot of time doing things the wrong way and trying to dig yourself out of messes you made by not knowing. I've spent a lot of time in jobs I hate because I had to clean up some very stupid decisions. When you know what to do with money, you aren't a slave to it.

16) And one more thing for now. Listen to the news on a need-to-know basis. It's good to be aware of current issues, but don't hang on the media's every word. It's just one more negative influence to try to struggle against. I've spent many a days worrying over nuclear war and economic downturn. That heavy feeling in your chest takes you out of your element and holds you back. Have empathy for our fellow humans, be changed, reach out, but don't be beaten and worry over it.


So, that's what I've come up with so far. I know I'm not done marinating in my 'grown-up soup' and I hope to never be done. I want to continually grow, change, and be better. I am open to so many more life lessons and I can't wait to share them.

What are some things that you have learned as you've become and adult? Share in the comments below!

I finally realized I'm a grown up!

photo cred: charismagick.com

I had a really fantastic 'Ah-Ha' moment this morning. I passed a group of baby faced interns in the hallway at work, and I realized I don't look like that anymore. I am at the point where the standard head nod of acknowledgement between most young people would look weird coming from me and starting a casual conversation with someone younger than 25 makes me feel like a creep. I no longer connect to the social content of the lives of 22 year olds. I live in a world where my mortgage is my biggest bill and I often wonder how to keep my marriage healthy. I'm not the person a young twenty-something seeks to hash out the previous weekend's party antics or the stress of finals. I'm the person they ask questions about getting older, getting married, and what saving for retirement feels like. What's more surprising, is that I can actually answer those questions with a thoughtful and in depth analysis. Today, on June 13, 2013, I finally realized... I'm an adult! A post on what that means, to follow. Check back tomorrow!

When did you first realize you were a grown up? How did it make you feel? Comment below!