Budget & Debt Snowball

As promised, I want to update the details of our budget meeting and debt snowball. Probably, our debt snowball will be on pause for a little bit while we get ourselves together, but I will keep everything update as neccessary.

Budget 12/1/13:
Phone bill for November $400 (putting my cashed out sick days onto this immediately, $170)
Car for November $180 (paying this week with my last Nov. paycheck)
Water for November $60 ($30 today, $30 with next bill)
Electric for November $299 ($75 today, $225 with Kyle's first paycheck)

Tires for Kyle $300 (Kyle's first paycheck)
Spark plugs, brakes, oil change for me $100 (Kyle's first paycheck)

Regular expenses:

Electric 70
Water 70
Gas 180
Sewer 20
Auto/Home ins 125
Fuel 200
Life insurance 37
Alarm 37
Internet 75
Hulu 8
Car 180
Gym 25
Host Gator 10
Pets 75
House Supplies 50
Phfa 54
Food 300
Phone 400
-------------------
$1916

We have decided to stop paying the credit cards for now because there's a lot more important things on our plate at the moment... like eating and keeping the lights on. Also, as soon as we are caught up with the phone bill, I'm going to see what I can do about making it cheaper. I may be going back to an inexpensive phone for the moment. You'll notice that our mortgage isn't included in this budget and that is because we are in the process of a short sale. I don't have the energy to talk much more about the house; it has already sucked more life and energy from me than I'd like to admit. You can use google if you are curious about all that a short sale entails. As soon as Kyle gets his first paycheck, we are going to catch up our utilities, take care of some neccessities, (such that I have on my list: new tires for my car, house repairs, get all of our pets to the vet) and then as much as we can is going to go into saving up 3-6 months of rent for our new place in Philly.


Also, here is our debt snowball... We are going to begin working through this, smallest to largest (because we all need wins to keep us going... at the point that we get intense, interest rates don't matter...)

Medical bills:
$60
$60.34
$61.88
$99
$100
$150
$164.25
$395.72
$532
$1000
--------------
$2, 623.19

Credit:
Lindsay $281
HSBC $387
Capitol One $348.70
Belden $469.55
Kyle Best Buy $579.31
Express $590.32
Usaa $600
Capitol One $610
Alana Best Buy $789
Boscov's $798
Lowes $959
Chase $988
Citizens $1900
-----------------------
$9, 299.88

Other:
Car $2600
PHFA $3672.25
-------------------
$6, 272.25

School:
Racc $789
BTI $2755
School $45,000.00
----------------------
$48, 544.00

All Together: $66, 739.32
Paid: $24, 480.07

More to come later with our daily update. Thanks for tuning in!

XO.

New Features and blog schedule coming!!! I'm like, almost going to be a real blog!

TWO posts in one day, that has to be a record!

Well, I've been learning a lot about intentionality, lately and I realize that being intentional has a lot to do with how much progress a person makes in their goals and pursuits. Ok, those two things are almost directly related. I have tried again and again to achieve things that are really important to me, but a lot of things happen in between me making my initial goal and when it fizzles out like a crappy cherry bomb. Fear of success and commitment, depression, daylight savings aka when-it-gets-too-dark-out-to-see-and-i-come-home-and-dont-feel-like-doing-anything-after-work, not writing down my plans and deadlines, being sloppy and unintentional.... Now, with the impending move and some of the things Kyle and I have been talking about lately, I don't really have a choice but to succeed. We no longer have the option of being financially cavalier, not well managed or unhealthy. It is absolutely, positively time to be grown ups. And I plan to share all the hairy details, right here on Girl Forward. I am going to build up the community around this blog and be faithful to post consistently and stick to a features schedule. Accountability is the only thing that is going to work with us and the flip side of that coin, is that I pray that we can be an encouragement to people who are facing the same kinds of issues. Girl Forward will not only feature my growth experiences as a young, Christian woman, but also the things Kyle and I face as an out-of-our-depth-but-desperately-trying-to-succeed young, married couple. We have lived normal... now we are going to get weird and change our lives.
Please come with us on our journey and cheer us on as we get gazelle intense and intentional.

I'll be working on changing the features and coming up with a schedule for when you can expect new posts (look I'm already starting my new intentional life!!!! Can I get an AMEN!)

XO.

"Happiness isn't a real emotion...It's a generalization of positive feedback emotions that exist as a reward for overcoming adversity"

This. weekend. has. been. THE. most emotionally draining couple of days in recent history. I'm kind of at a loss for where to begin explaining. I learned a lot about myself. Stuff I never realized and things that scare the hell out of me.

It all started Friday night, with an argument I got into with Kyle. Things escalated pretty badly until we were both screaming at each other, things were being thrown, words were uttered that can never be retrieved. Married people fight. It's, for sure, a thing... We just haven't had a night like this in so long. I don't know if all the pressure we've been under just boiled up and exploded, but it was something that made me double take at what we've been doing. To be honest, it made me question if we would last. I know it's ridiculous for me to say that coming on the heels of the post I wrote the other day about how we are hanging in there and coping, but I've never really experienced this with Kyle. I've always just adored him and our marriage, despite the difficult things. I always felt like we'd come back together no matter what, since we came together so organically in the first place. My heart hurts, though, because ever since the fight, I've felt distant from him... He doesn't feel like mine, he feels strange in my life. It's pretty scary for me because for the last five years, I've had my best friend. We've always been able to make up and get back to our path. This time, I can't put my finger on the wedge between us that is so cumbersome.

Something else that is sort of view changing and telling is the realizations about myself. Without getting into too much detail, I finally understood that the abuse I received my whole life has shaped the way I view myself and my relationships and I am constantly setting myself up to carry other people's crap, be their punching bags, neglect myself and my feelings and just shut up and take it. I never realized that I don't actually deserve that life. I don't want that life. It's possible that Kyle and my dynamic is skewed because I don't ask him to carry much of the burdens. I just assume I'm supposed to carry it on my own. So he never has a chance to grow from it. I'm not saying he's not any to blame for the crap we deal with... there's plenty he could work on. Mainly his minute grain of empathy and his communication skills when things are hot and scary, but if I was the person I'm supposed to be more often, he might be becoming the person he's supposed to be. Something else that I'm sure ties into my warped sense of myself, is how I have developed a very refined flight response to adversity. When things get difficult... I just run. I've been running for so long. The thing about running away is that even though it's easier to do at the time, it never makes me happy. Usually, what I want is just on the other side of the dragon.

Having just written that, I realized that maybe it's not really a wedge between Kyle and I... maybe it's me just shedding some old skin... It's not that he particularly feels strange, but new. Maybe our relationship is heading into something new. Maybe, if we can learn to fight the dragon together (the dragon being each of us working on the respective baggage we brought into our marriage) instead of fighting each other, we can come out on the other side stronger and better for each other. As difficult as it is, I know God wants me to keep loving Kyle, even when I feel sad or distant or like I just want to run away from it all. Love isn't always how we feel about each other, it's sometimes choosing to stay and fight for each other. 

I'm scared, but it's time to pick up my sword. Stay. Fight. Conquer.

Der Holle Rache... or Worthwhile things take drive and dedication

Diana Damrau as The Queen of the Night in Mozart's The Magic Flute

I had something else prepared for today's post, but I'm feeling really inspired (and kinda saucy, so I'm gonna shake it up a bit) by my most FAVORITE piece of music ever; Mozart's Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen ("Hell's vengeance boils in my heart") from The Magic Flute.

The Magic Flute is one of Mozart's most famous operas. It's a story about enlightenment, wisdom, love, adventure, trials, get-the-girl, antagonists, courage, triumph and happily ever after. All the right ingredients for a highly compelling story. One of the reasons for its popularity, aside from the story itself, is The Queen of the Night's second aria, where-in she's furiously telling her daughter that if her daughter doesn't assassinate Sarastro (who refuses to put up with The Queen of the Night's crap) she will disown her. (Lash out irrationally, much?)Despite piece's narcissistic tendencies, it sounds bubbly and delightful. It is also one of THE most difficult pieces for singers today to try to learn. Mozart wrote Der Holle Rache specifically for his sister-in-law. Apparently, her vocal range included F4-F6; F6 being the highest note you can hit... Only a handful of singers have been able to replicate the aria, eventually, having to give up the performance or alternatively, wreck their vocal cords.

This strikes a chord (haha. music, get it?) with me. I get chills just as much thinking about this information as I do listening to the aria. The piece is incredible. I'm not even an opera singer and I'd give my left arm to be able to make those notes bubble out of my lungs. What's particularly moving for me, is the fact that a special few Coloratura Sopranos dedicated & focused themselves to a piece of music that they only could perform for a very short amount of time. There is no question about the options when attempting, Der Holle Rache... Sing it until your voice gives out, or give up the piece, eventually.

Here's where I get to my point. We should take this kind of dedication into our everyday lives. Can we all sing the most famous aria in all of history? No. But we all have passions. We should do more of the things that bring us so much joy that we'd willingly do for just a little while for the satisfaction of knowing we did them at all. The great part about taking that little lesson into your life, is that usually, the things you love probably won't ruin your livelihood, so you can go ahead and keep doing them... What I'm really trying to say is that if June Anderson or Diana Damrau had chosen to sing Old Macdonald instead of the glorious aria, I wouldn't be mentioning them today. As with these talented ladies, we all have things we are good at and we should embrace them and do them because no one ever left a mark on the world by playing it safe. Nothing worth doing comes easy. That means that the good stuff requires your energy, dedication and heart. Just watch this video of Diana Damrau recording the piece. Watch her face and how much energy and passion she poured into learning it. It'll really drive it home for you.


http://youtu.be/FMPv8mADpA4

Make a commitment for yourself to point out your passions and go after them, do them well, and leave a legacy behind. The payoff is glorious.  Whatever it is, whatever popped into your mind as you were reading this... it's hidden there, somewhere in your heart and it deserves to be brought to light.


What are your passions? What drives you? And what are you going to commit to doing that will be difficult but great in the end? 

Some ponderings and extractions of growth & strength from my marriage.

I've been thinking about my marriage a lot lately. Sounds silly, because I live in it everyday but sometimes, as human nature allows, I take it for granted. It's easy to get swept up in the grind of daily living, and as the last few months have sketched out for me, I've been a serious pain in the ass for myself and my poor husband. I've been bratty, insensitive, and a negative nancy. I mean, I've been grappling with trying to stay positive but Kyle has seen me fall apart more times than I care to admit. He's also stepped up and led me when I couldn't lead myself. It has caused me to view him in a whole new way, which has caused me to be more vulnerable than I ever have been... with him or anyone else. Where I usually have walls and look for quick exits, I'm learning how to put down oak tree roots with people. I'm learning how to be open again and let my heart be accessible. It may be easier to get hurt when my heart is open, but it's also easier for more love to come in and out.

Being married has been the best growth and stretching experience of my life. These difficult times we've been walking through have revealed a lot of our characters and the strength that our life has conditioned us to. Kyle, as it turns out, is the kind of man that steps up to the plate when we need a grand slam. When all seems muddled and unclear, he makes some sense out of the mess. As we grow older, I can see that he is the kind of man I can follow and trust him to get us where we are going. As for me, I may not be the captain I always imagined myself to be, but a surprising twist to me, is that I have the unfathomable ability to hang on tight when the winds pick up. I may have little energy for anything else, but I'm clinging to hope, and that's more than I can say for a lot of other people. I may have complained a lot recently, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and that, along with my inimitable husband & the strength I find in Jesus, has changed my attitude. I know now that no matter what happens, whatever the world strips away from me, nothing matters except relationships and how to love people better. It really all does boil down to Love God, Love people. The rest is circumstantial and as it's becoming obvious, circumstances are ephemeral.

I just want to write an open love offering, first to God, for bringing Kyle to me. For turning every painful step of my life into the path that would lead me to this man. I'm eternally grateful and humbled to be given the special responsibility and honor of caring about and loving someone so precious.

Secondly to Kyle, for pushing me more than I ever thought I could be pushed or even go. For helping me learn more about myself and life than I could possibly learn on my own. Thank you for helping me see that it's lonely business keeping everyone out and at a distance, that nothing worth having is easy, and that going forward, even when a person is scared, is what strengthens character. You are my best friend, love and captain.

I was just discussing the concept of soul mates with a friend. It is my belief that you don't find your soul mate... You choose someone worthy of your heart, and then they become your soul mate. The difficult and strenuous times mold and shape us so we fit together perfectly. The hard times are good for us, because they grow us. These last couple months have pushed and tested Kyle and I... it is these times that are drawing us together. He is my soul mate and I know in my heart, that we are here for the long haul.

What are some of the lessons you learned from your marriage? Leave your answers in the comments below.




Listening to: Hey Ya covered by Obadiah Parker

Trading in 'skinny' for Strength

I made a facebook update about this yesterday, but I felt like I needed to expound upon my thoughts. After clocking around 30 miles in the last two weeks, I can already feel my legs getting stronger. So much so that I haven't woken myself up with a charlie horse in quite some time and when I get out of bed in the morning, my feet don't hurt nearly as much as they used to. Dealing with plantar fascitis for the last three years has been hellish and debilitating, but the last few weeks have been almost pleasant for my feet and me. I can take stairs easier, walk longer, breathe easier. It's a gorgeous feeling and I feel that way about myself. Some new and ground breaking thoughts sort of came rushing in yesterday and I think it's the most healthy I have ever percieved myself and my goals. I no longer just want to be 'skinny'. I absolutely want to be smaller, but now, it's for the right reasons. Not because someone told me that skinny neccessarily equals beautiful, but because being a smaller person would allow me to do things I haven't been able to do in a long time or ever. Not only do I want to be a smaller person, but I want to be a strong person. I want my body to have strength and grace so that I can enjoy what I'm doing. Three months ago, I couldn't be on my feet for longer than a few hours. Now, I'm marveling at how strong my calves feel and how far they can take me. One of my best friends once told me that I need to make working out a hobby; that I need to get to a point where I enjoyed doing it. I could never understand where he was coming from before because my goals of 'getting skinny' weren't enough to make me want to do the hard work. It was a lazy goal but, now, feeling the rewards of working harder than I ever have is leading me to want to put the time and effort in. Now, I'm addicted to feeling my body strengthen. It is so good. As trite as this sounds, nothing is more fitting for me right now than the Nike slogan, 'Just Do It'. I got to a point where I ran out of excuses and I just went out there and started working for it. Some of the miles are challenging, mentally, but I can't think of many things that are more rewarding than doing the best for your body. I wish I would have gotten here sooner.

Quality time, relationships, tlc and confidence

Well, I had a super long weekend starting from Thursday night. Kyle texted me early in the morning and said he wanted to stay over in Philly so he could get some extra training in the next day. I worked it out so that I could have off on Friday and planned to work on our yard, which desperately needed some labor intensive hours this weekend. I didn't end up doing my normal 8 ish mile walk home that evening, because I knew if I wanted to have enough energy to work outside, I wasn't going to be able to do the trek home. Good thing Berks county, at least, has a few decent taxi services to call upon, despite the very lacking public bus system. The 22 bucks I spent getting home was worth the price to be able to work some earth Friday morning.

I treated myself to some sushi and strawberries with whipped cream when I got home, for the long week I put in... 39 hours of work plus 23 miles of walk. It was a nice quiet evening and I fell asleep with my dog next to me. Friday morning came early. Rachel woke me up around 8:30 and she took me to Home Depot so I could buy a new lawn mower, finally. I also picked up an electric chainsaw so I could begin chopping down the awful bushes that have been taking over my yard for way too long. I can't begin to describe the feeling that overcame as I began hacking away at the terror trees. Anyway, I spent a good amount of time putting the lawn mower together with only one of the right size wrenches I needed and a vise grip... sonuva-b. That was annoying but supremely exciting when I finally got it all together and revved up the engine. Ellie was excited too... I had to keep yelling at her to get away from the mower so she wouldn't get her little paws chopped off. She such a silly pants sometimes.The yard looks better, but we still have a long way to go. I also need to call the electric company to get them to come and trim the trees where the branches are hanging out with the power lines. Soon enough, the yard will be pretty and I won't feel like the Clampits of the neighborhood.

Friday night, I watched this mini series called The Runaway. It. Broke. My. Heart! Holy crap... it was seedy and devastating. It's Monday morning and I'm still tearing up at the thought of some of the things I saw and how well the actors portrayed them. I know it wasn't real and it's based off of a crime novel, but I can't help but imagine that somewhere, these things happen. I mean obviously, they do, I just don't think about it because I never have to really see it. The piece was so moving that it was something else I added to the column of reasons why I'd like to adopt a baby. I want to save someone from the heartache of the things I watched. So heavy:(

Saturday night, I got to spend time with some of Kyle's friends that I hadn't, previously. We played Cards Against Humanity, ate pizza and I got to try a gluten free beer called, Angry Orchard, which was delicioso! I had a really great time with them and am happy that they are good people and Kyle has some more people he can lean on & care about. I think good friends really make someone a well rounded person.

Sunday was spent working more on the yard and then swimming, again, with Kyle's friends. Andrew invited us to his father's house for swimming, games and a cook out. I was nursing a dehydration headache and didn't really start to feel better until later, but I made the best of it. We played Uno and I got to meet Andrew's family.

The weekend was one of the better ones I've had in a long time. I got to spend the first part of it giving our home some much needed tlc and spending quality time with Ellie. Then I got to spend quality time with Rachel when she took me shopping Friday morning. It was a welcome treat after not seeing her for a few weeks, now that she's on a different shift than me. I spent the next two days going out with Kyle and meeting some fun, new friends. I even felt really great getting dressed and putting some make up on. Spending the previous week walking and thinking about my food choices has really boosted my confidence. I even took a 'selfie' to mark the occasion. I made some good choices eating, even though I went off the track a bit with the pizza and cookout, but I still think I'm doing much better. A new acquaintance of mine sent me a link to an interesting food blog that has really funny headers on each post. I got a kick out of it but more importantly, it is a fantastic resource for me to try new, healthy recipes. I'm on my way to a healthier, more thoughtful future. I feel good about where I've been and where I'm headed. Feels good man.

XO.

Here's some photos I remembered to grab over the weekend.

 Got to spend some time with this silly pup! Love her little face<3 .="" br="">

Used my headphones so much in the last two weeks, being active, that I broke them! 

One of the headers from the food blog I was recently shown.  I'll post the link soon.

 

Selfie. I feel like my chest still takes over but I'm really starting to feel fantastic. My feet don't hurt as much and I can feel myself getting stronger. I can't wait to be strong enough to do things like climb and kayak!!! Fit life, here I come!

A healthy salad I had over the weekend. Organic spring mix, blue corn tortilla chips, a broken up cranberry & pistachio bar and pomegranite vinaigrette. To many more healthy choices!



What did you do over the weekend? Tell us in the comments below! 

Training for a 5k; staying positive

I'm. SO. tired.

Since Saturday, I've walked 15.12 miles. 8.5 of them last night alone. That's why I didn't have a chance to post last night. I came home and had zero energy for anything except eating, showering, feeding the pets and going to sleep. My muscles hurt mostly in the good way but I am having a little trouble with my feet and ankle. I took some aspirin and am drinking water today, so, I'm hoping I'll be ready for round three this week of the long walk home. If I can do this two more times by Saturday, I'll have walked 30 miles! Which is exciting. And terrifying! I just want a long, long nap. Something exciting that I woke up to this morning; in posting my workout stats to FB, I got invited to participate in another 5k in October. I have to push through, I can't give up. Here's a few photos to share my progress.

These are from Monday:

Tuesday:

I've been trying to eat cleaner, as well. This is lunch I made for all week of quinoa & an avocado. Very tasty! 

This is definitely a part of my journey where I have to keep fighting the negative thoughts & doubts that are creeping in and pray A LOT! I'm already tired and have a little bit of anxiety about today's walk. I know I can do it and it's an investment in my future. Nothing good comes easy.


What are some ways that you have stayed positive during difficult times? Respond in the comments below!

Training for Color Me Rad 5k... and Stuff about Bethany Hamilton

I have decided to take part in the Color Me Rad 5k with my Aunt Gina. I have never run anything before in my life and I'm a little nervous but I think it's a good way to begin training for my marathon. We have both downloaded the Couch to 5k app and started training on Saturday, 6/15/13. Our plan is to pick a city along the east coast that we want to run this race in, and get ourselves prepared in time. I'm very excited to be participating in something like this, because my health conditions have previously held me back from doing anything physical or fun for a very long time. I, however, am quite over letting my situation dictate what I can and can't do. I recently had an opportunity to hear Bethany Hamilton speak and she was so inspiring. If you don't know who she is, it is SO worth the ten minutes to google her. Essentially, she was a 13 year old surfer girl from Kaui, that got her arm taken off by a shark, just as she was on the cusp of getting sponsored for professional surfing. She went on to not only get back in the water & re-learn to surf on regular competitive boards, but she realized her dream of becoming a professional surfer. She is someone I look up to and someone who reminds me to push through, have faith, keep going, work hard and come out the other side. So, even though a 5k is just a little baby run, it's going to be huge for me and I can't wait to see where else it will lead.

What kinds of activities have you participated in that took a lot of dedication & training? How did you feel afterwards? Leave your answers in the comments below!