Budget & Debt Snowball

As promised, I want to update the details of our budget meeting and debt snowball. Probably, our debt snowball will be on pause for a little bit while we get ourselves together, but I will keep everything update as neccessary.

Budget 12/1/13:
Phone bill for November $400 (putting my cashed out sick days onto this immediately, $170)
Car for November $180 (paying this week with my last Nov. paycheck)
Water for November $60 ($30 today, $30 with next bill)
Electric for November $299 ($75 today, $225 with Kyle's first paycheck)

Tires for Kyle $300 (Kyle's first paycheck)
Spark plugs, brakes, oil change for me $100 (Kyle's first paycheck)

Regular expenses:

Electric 70
Water 70
Gas 180
Sewer 20
Auto/Home ins 125
Fuel 200
Life insurance 37
Alarm 37
Internet 75
Hulu 8
Car 180
Gym 25
Host Gator 10
Pets 75
House Supplies 50
Phfa 54
Food 300
Phone 400
-------------------
$1916

We have decided to stop paying the credit cards for now because there's a lot more important things on our plate at the moment... like eating and keeping the lights on. Also, as soon as we are caught up with the phone bill, I'm going to see what I can do about making it cheaper. I may be going back to an inexpensive phone for the moment. You'll notice that our mortgage isn't included in this budget and that is because we are in the process of a short sale. I don't have the energy to talk much more about the house; it has already sucked more life and energy from me than I'd like to admit. You can use google if you are curious about all that a short sale entails. As soon as Kyle gets his first paycheck, we are going to catch up our utilities, take care of some neccessities, (such that I have on my list: new tires for my car, house repairs, get all of our pets to the vet) and then as much as we can is going to go into saving up 3-6 months of rent for our new place in Philly.


Also, here is our debt snowball... We are going to begin working through this, smallest to largest (because we all need wins to keep us going... at the point that we get intense, interest rates don't matter...)

Medical bills:
$60
$60.34
$61.88
$99
$100
$150
$164.25
$395.72
$532
$1000
--------------
$2, 623.19

Credit:
Lindsay $281
HSBC $387
Capitol One $348.70
Belden $469.55
Kyle Best Buy $579.31
Express $590.32
Usaa $600
Capitol One $610
Alana Best Buy $789
Boscov's $798
Lowes $959
Chase $988
Citizens $1900
-----------------------
$9, 299.88

Other:
Car $2600
PHFA $3672.25
-------------------
$6, 272.25

School:
Racc $789
BTI $2755
School $45,000.00
----------------------
$48, 544.00

All Together: $66, 739.32
Paid: $24, 480.07

More to come later with our daily update. Thanks for tuning in!

XO.

Being intentional about life, purpose, career and plans. What we are doing over the next weeks and year.

I've got a couple of things on my mind this morning.

I keep writing more than I mean to about something I've been encountering lately. I don't want to speak too much negativity, I think I did enough of that yesterday. All I want to say is that I made a conscious decision to be an open book for people. I made that choice to be relate-able and encouraging. There isn't much I edit, purely for the sake of being genuine. To that point, I am on a journey and where my thoughts are poor sometimes, there is usually a subsequent pattern of growth. I'm not going to go into why I'm explaining this but if you didn't understand my vision for this blog and my life, I hope you do now. That is all I have to say about that.

Secondly, and more exciting... I listened to a book called Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work That Matters. JON ACUFF has written more than one book on the topic of finding fulfilling work, so in case you were wondering where I got this 'grande idea' of loving your work, I'll point you in the direction of someone who's done it, even in 'this crazy economy where no one can find jobs!!!!!' While you're at it, check out DAVE RAMSEY, too. They'll rock your ideas about money, careers, purpose, family and financial planning.  I digress. Jon Acuff shared an in depth audit that I am going to do about putting an action plan in place to pursue my dreams. The problem I've always had is a) committing to a career and b) figuring out where to start. Now that I got married to writing as a career, I was sort of at a loss about what step to take next. I'm going to be spending the next couple of weeks making a plan. I can't wait to get started.

Thirdly,  Kyle and I are moving. Yes. Moving. Back to Philadelphia, hopefully around the spring/summer time. We still have some things to work out but the house is on the market and we are actively working on packing and down-sizing. If you haven't heard it from us yet, this is the official announcement! We are more than excited to be going back to our old community, friends, church and neighborhood. That's not to say I'm not crushed about leaving behind my mom and dad, sister, brother-in-law and niece plus all of the amazing friends I have made here over the last ten years. My comfort, in that respect, is that now instead of making weekend trips to Philly, we will be packing up the car and heading to good ol' Berks county for friendly visits! We just feel that going back to the city will offer some better opportunities for us and a chance to heal and lick our wounds from the last five years. If you've been following along, we've been through some tough stuff. However, we are not giving up, we are re-grouping and moving forward. We are excited, passionate and purposeful about our future.

That is all for now!! XO.

My heart experienced a revolution...

        In a surprising mixture of reflecting on the past year of my life and taking some unexpected wisdom from a John Lennon documentary I recently watched, I realized something about myself that may be the deepest, darkest, most messed thing about me... besides the unanimous fact that I am a person and we are all messed up and lost... my particular brand of gross is that I am so very lonely.

         Even though I have friends, family that loves me and a husband that is pretty understanding and forgiving of all the crap I bring to our marriage. It's my own fault that I am lonely. I play a cat and mouse game with myself. I start relationships with people and I desire nothing but to be chased and wanted by them. I want to feel desired and cherished. And the moment I reel them in, I slam the door in their face. Because even though I want to be understood, loved, and connected... Sadly, I am afraid of anything real. I've been hurt... a lot... by people I've trusted... and I know everyone has.... but I let myself stop truly living because of it. I never really got over not being loved by my father. It probably sounds trite, it happens to a lot of girls... I tried to shove it down and move on, but it has used up more of my life force than I'd like to admit.

         What's sad is even though I took a step and committed to my man on paper, I've had one foot out the door the entire time. I've been running my entire life. Just waiting for someone to mess up and give me an excuse to flee for my life. Being married has made it more difficult to pack up and leave, but I've been keeping a tally until I have big enough pile to push me out the door. What I realized about my marriage today, in realizing this about myself, is that I can't truly expect anything from Kyle if I don't know what I want from him myself. I keep asking him to do things in circles. Come closer, give me space, be more, be less, grow up, don't be so intense. I'm driving him crazy. I'm driving myself crazy. I'm not saying he's perfect, but I'm not giving him any room or grace to grow. I'm not giving that grace to myself either. I can't keep looking back or grimmacing as I move forward because I'm afraid I'm going to get punched in the face again and again... I have to live right now. I have to start seeing that he's here. He hasn't gone anywhere.

         It's going to take me a long time to heal over my past. But I'm grateful that I even have the desire to heal. That I want to make amends, be genuine, kind, raw, real and connected. I love my husband. I want to keep loving him. Today I realize that means learning to love myself enough to let my heart heal. I don't know what else to say. Writing this, I'm admittedly crying, but I think it's a good thing. I think it's a new beginning for me. And thank God for new beginnings.

Don't be normal: Letting go of falling in line, caring what people think, and taking off ideals that don't fit.

I'll do what I want.

It sounds willful and defiant. Like it's falling out of the mouth of a child. And as I say that, I stop and wonder why that's such a bad thing in context to how I feel now. I will do anything I want. As an adult, I've fallen in line with everyone else for way too long because that's what I thought I was "supposed" to do. I'm excellent at being submissive to the ideals of our culture and yet, I disagree with most of it. Which has in turn, made me miserable. I wrote a post similar to this on a different blog, regarding my faith and how it is the thing I cherish most in life but I don't show it very often because I fear what others will think about me.

So far in my life, it has gotten me nowhere, caring what other people think. It has gotten me nowhere but at breakneck speed. This is MY life, darn it. I don't know if I deserve it if I let anyone other than myself and God influence my decisions. Why do I cringe to myself every time I have a new business idea? Because the thought of sharing it yet again, for people to think how flighty and indecisive I am and how my career has been after me for ages to get married and I just can't commit. So what?! I wouldn't settle down with any old guy, I don't know why people expect me to settle down with any old career. I have standards. Another puzzling thing I seem to care about is my perceived intelligence. I have been in gifted classes and on the honor roll since the third grade. Stabilized IQ scores have been called into question, but it was high enough last time I was tested, that I can consider applying to Mensa. I come from a family of certifiable geniuses. My ability to use context clues and pick up on things that most people miss or don't want to admit is undeniable. Why do I freaking care if anyone thinks otherwise?! The million business ideas? ONE OF THEM IS GOING TO STICK ONE DAY AND MY BRAIN WILL BE THE BRAIN THAT THOUGHT IT UP.

So what if I wanted a blue wedding dress or that I want to have pink hair most of the time. Who the hell cares if I don't enjoy being a homeowner and would rather live in a studio or loft and be a minimalist!? What does it matter to anyone else if I fantasize about traveling around the country in a camper, gypsy style?? I have experienced "normal" and it made me so miserable, that I've been depressed and nearly suicidal.

Excuse me if I no longer feel like working at a job I HATE to pay for things that I don't even want because that's "what I'm supposed to do". From now on, I will do what I want.

Some ponderings and extractions of growth & strength from my marriage.

I've been thinking about my marriage a lot lately. Sounds silly, because I live in it everyday but sometimes, as human nature allows, I take it for granted. It's easy to get swept up in the grind of daily living, and as the last few months have sketched out for me, I've been a serious pain in the ass for myself and my poor husband. I've been bratty, insensitive, and a negative nancy. I mean, I've been grappling with trying to stay positive but Kyle has seen me fall apart more times than I care to admit. He's also stepped up and led me when I couldn't lead myself. It has caused me to view him in a whole new way, which has caused me to be more vulnerable than I ever have been... with him or anyone else. Where I usually have walls and look for quick exits, I'm learning how to put down oak tree roots with people. I'm learning how to be open again and let my heart be accessible. It may be easier to get hurt when my heart is open, but it's also easier for more love to come in and out.

Being married has been the best growth and stretching experience of my life. These difficult times we've been walking through have revealed a lot of our characters and the strength that our life has conditioned us to. Kyle, as it turns out, is the kind of man that steps up to the plate when we need a grand slam. When all seems muddled and unclear, he makes some sense out of the mess. As we grow older, I can see that he is the kind of man I can follow and trust him to get us where we are going. As for me, I may not be the captain I always imagined myself to be, but a surprising twist to me, is that I have the unfathomable ability to hang on tight when the winds pick up. I may have little energy for anything else, but I'm clinging to hope, and that's more than I can say for a lot of other people. I may have complained a lot recently, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and that, along with my inimitable husband & the strength I find in Jesus, has changed my attitude. I know now that no matter what happens, whatever the world strips away from me, nothing matters except relationships and how to love people better. It really all does boil down to Love God, Love people. The rest is circumstantial and as it's becoming obvious, circumstances are ephemeral.

I just want to write an open love offering, first to God, for bringing Kyle to me. For turning every painful step of my life into the path that would lead me to this man. I'm eternally grateful and humbled to be given the special responsibility and honor of caring about and loving someone so precious.

Secondly to Kyle, for pushing me more than I ever thought I could be pushed or even go. For helping me learn more about myself and life than I could possibly learn on my own. Thank you for helping me see that it's lonely business keeping everyone out and at a distance, that nothing worth having is easy, and that going forward, even when a person is scared, is what strengthens character. You are my best friend, love and captain.

I was just discussing the concept of soul mates with a friend. It is my belief that you don't find your soul mate... You choose someone worthy of your heart, and then they become your soul mate. The difficult and strenuous times mold and shape us so we fit together perfectly. The hard times are good for us, because they grow us. These last couple months have pushed and tested Kyle and I... it is these times that are drawing us together. He is my soul mate and I know in my heart, that we are here for the long haul.

What are some of the lessons you learned from your marriage? Leave your answers in the comments below.




Listening to: Hey Ya covered by Obadiah Parker

16 things I learned from being an adult.

Yesterday, I had the startling realization that I am, in fact, an adult. Something that had previously escaped my knowledge for reasons unknown to me, however, now that I know it, the idea is liberating. It sounds silly to me to say it like this, but I'm doing it anyway (because, hey... I'm a grown up and I can do what I want... mostly.) but it feels like I literally got a new lens to look through. My perspective changed, in an instant. Where there were once roadblocks, there is now open possibilities. I can see opportunities that I was missing before and also the closed doors of what I, admittedly, shouldn't even bother with anymore. I'm still a little stressed about situations, but I'm starting to see that it's only that; situations. The only transcendental thing about life is our connections with each other; our relationships. Becoming the best version of myself that I can be is the greatest way to take part in the most rewarding aspect of living on earth. Here's a list of 16 things I've picked up along the way that make me feel like a decent adult.

1) Get out of your head. I don't know about you, but I spend a lot of time in my brain, getting cozy with my limiting beliefs. I entertain them, invite them in and let them use my good China. It is for this reason that I haven't been able to really accomplish the big things I've dreamed about... I have a living room full of 'NOs' and I'm giving them my full attention. It's time to kick out the things that say you 'can't', put your coat on, and step outside to experience the world as it actually is.

2) Share your stuff. Share your clothes, share your house, share your food, share your money, share your time. Hands that are open to give, are open to receive. Not only that but, when you share, you are reinforcing your connection to people; somewhere deep down, it makes you realize that we all have the same needs. Sharing strengthens your empathy muscle.

3) Take care of yourself. A cup can only continue to supply you with water if it is constantly being refilled. When you refill and recharge yourself mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally, you will always have enough of yourself to give to other people. Inversely, when you neglect yourself to try to take care of everyone and everything, you will burn out easy.

4) Learn to say 'NO'. Be it to yourself when you want to buy something and can't afford it or to someone else when they are not respecting your boundaries. No is an important word to master and sometimes takes a lot of practice, but strengthening the skill to say it can save you a lot of pain and aggravation later on. It also shows people that you respect yourself enough acknowledge your own boundaries.

5) Learn to say 'Yes'. Knowing your boundaries is good. Hiding from things that are potentially life changing and amazing... not so much. Get out there!

6) Volunteer. Anywhere. Everywhere! Figure out what pulls at your heartstrings and go lend a hand. The feeling that you get from giving back from the community is incredible. I'm telling you that there aren't many things more satisfying than giving your time, energy, and love to renewing and lifting people up. You will feel blessed, humbled and thankful.

7) Return your library books on time. This sounds silly, perhaps, but when you bring back your books on time, you are showing respect for your local library and fellow book readers. You are building trust that you are a reliable human being. This translates over to putting your cart back in the corral after shopping, putting things back where you got it, cleaning up your trash, etc. It's courteous. And people like other people who are courteous.

8) Speaking of books, read them. When you read, you don't just gain information, you work your brain muscle. When your brain is strong, it works and processes better, which can lead to better communication, problem solving, and forward thinking. Do it, you won't regret it. Plus, you'll have plenty of stuff to talk about at parties;)

9) Speaking of parties, learn to network. This skill is invaluable. Let me repeat, THIS SKILL IS INVALUABLE. It can lead you to opportunities that you might not have otherwise known about or had access to. It could land you a job of a lifetime, a friendship/partnership/relationship, adventure! You could introduce someone to someone else, and that introduction sparked a romance or a crazy great business idea and later, that someone remembers you when a great opportunity comes up. It is a constantly moving web of interaction and connection that can lead you to (great!) roads unknown!

10) Surround yourself with positive people. You are most influenced and most like the five people closest to you. Think about who your 'Five' are. Do they build you up and support you? Or do they tear you down? A little bit of refocusing and finding a community to support your goals and dreams could be all that you need to start achieving your goals.

11) STOP. WATCHING. TV. It's distracting and it's easy to do, so you aren't getting any value out of it for your mind or body. I guess there is something to be said for documentaries and shows with solid, informational content, but really, you can get that anywhere. Seriously. Just stop it. Do you really need to re-watch the season finale of The Mindy project? No.

12) Smile and say hello to people. It makes you memorable and it makes people feel good/want to be around you. It's easy and costs nothing! Even if you feel terrible, paste on a smile and you'll probably start to feel better anyway.

13) Say what you mean. Do not try to wrap things up in subtext and expect the other person to understand what you meant/wanted/felt. People can't read minds and it's very frustrating to try to improve communication and work on achieving goals in a relationship when one or both people are not being clear. Besides, if you just say what you actually meant in the first place, it gives the other person a chance to respond accordingly instead of spending valuable time trying to figure out what you meant.

14) Be serious about your health. Not only will you have more energy when you eat right and exercise, but feeling fantastic can improve your mental state too. I get very moody when I don't feel well. As I age, I'm starting to pay attention to what my body is trying to tell me because I'd rather spend more days feeling great than not. Plus, your brain releases hormones that make you feel good when you exercise! It's a win every time!

15) Learn how to be responsible with money. You can spend a whole lot of time doing things the wrong way and trying to dig yourself out of messes you made by not knowing. I've spent a lot of time in jobs I hate because I had to clean up some very stupid decisions. When you know what to do with money, you aren't a slave to it.

16) And one more thing for now. Listen to the news on a need-to-know basis. It's good to be aware of current issues, but don't hang on the media's every word. It's just one more negative influence to try to struggle against. I've spent many a days worrying over nuclear war and economic downturn. That heavy feeling in your chest takes you out of your element and holds you back. Have empathy for our fellow humans, be changed, reach out, but don't be beaten and worry over it.


So, that's what I've come up with so far. I know I'm not done marinating in my 'grown-up soup' and I hope to never be done. I want to continually grow, change, and be better. I am open to so many more life lessons and I can't wait to share them.

What are some things that you have learned as you've become and adult? Share in the comments below!

I finally realized I'm a grown up!

photo cred: charismagick.com

I had a really fantastic 'Ah-Ha' moment this morning. I passed a group of baby faced interns in the hallway at work, and I realized I don't look like that anymore. I am at the point where the standard head nod of acknowledgement between most young people would look weird coming from me and starting a casual conversation with someone younger than 25 makes me feel like a creep. I no longer connect to the social content of the lives of 22 year olds. I live in a world where my mortgage is my biggest bill and I often wonder how to keep my marriage healthy. I'm not the person a young twenty-something seeks to hash out the previous weekend's party antics or the stress of finals. I'm the person they ask questions about getting older, getting married, and what saving for retirement feels like. What's more surprising, is that I can actually answer those questions with a thoughtful and in depth analysis. Today, on June 13, 2013, I finally realized... I'm an adult! A post on what that means, to follow. Check back tomorrow!

When did you first realize you were a grown up? How did it make you feel? Comment below!