Yesterday, I had the startling realization that I am, in fact, an adult. Something that had previously escaped my knowledge for reasons unknown to me, however, now that I know it, the idea is liberating. It sounds silly to me to say it like this, but I'm doing it anyway (because, hey... I'm a grown up and I can do what I want... mostly.) but it feels like I literally got a new lens to look through. My perspective changed, in an instant. Where there were once roadblocks, there is now open possibilities. I can see opportunities that I was missing before and also the closed doors of what I, admittedly, shouldn't even bother with anymore. I'm still a little stressed about situations, but I'm starting to see that it's only that; situations. The only transcendental thing about life is our connections with each other; our relationships. Becoming the best version of myself that I can be is the greatest way to take part in the most rewarding aspect of living on earth. Here's a list of 16 things I've picked up along the way that make me feel like a decent adult.
1) Get out of your head. I don't know about you, but I spend a lot of time in my brain, getting cozy with my limiting beliefs. I entertain them, invite them in and let them use my good China. It is for this reason that I haven't been able to really accomplish the big things I've dreamed about... I have a living room full of 'NOs' and I'm giving them my full attention. It's time to kick out the things that say you 'can't', put your coat on, and step outside to experience the world as it actually is.
2) Share your stuff. Share your clothes, share your house, share your food, share your money, share your time. Hands that are open to give, are open to receive. Not only that but, when you share, you are reinforcing your connection to people; somewhere deep down, it makes you realize that we all have the same needs. Sharing strengthens your empathy muscle.
3) Take care of yourself. A cup can only continue to supply you with water if it is constantly being refilled. When you refill and recharge yourself mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally, you will always have enough of yourself to give to other people. Inversely, when you neglect yourself to try to take care of everyone and everything, you will burn out easy.
4) Learn to say 'NO'. Be it to yourself when you want to buy something and can't afford it or to someone else when they are not respecting your boundaries. No is an important word to master and sometimes takes a lot of practice, but strengthening the skill to say it can save you a lot of pain and aggravation later on. It also shows people that you respect yourself enough acknowledge your own boundaries.
5) Learn to say 'Yes'. Knowing your boundaries is good. Hiding from things that are potentially life changing and amazing... not so much. Get out there!
6) Volunteer. Anywhere. Everywhere! Figure out what pulls at your heartstrings and go lend a hand. The feeling that you get from giving back from the community is incredible. I'm telling you that there aren't many things more satisfying than giving your time, energy, and love to renewing and lifting people up. You will feel blessed, humbled and thankful.
7) Return your library books on time. This sounds silly, perhaps, but when you bring back your books on time, you are showing respect for your local library and fellow book readers. You are building trust that you are a reliable human being. This translates over to putting your cart back in the corral after shopping, putting things back where you got it, cleaning up your trash, etc. It's courteous. And people like other people who are courteous.
8) Speaking of books, read them. When you read, you don't just gain information, you work your brain muscle. When your brain is strong, it works and processes better, which can lead to better communication, problem solving, and forward thinking. Do it, you won't regret it. Plus, you'll have plenty of stuff to talk about at parties;)
9) Speaking of parties, learn to network. This skill is invaluable. Let me repeat, THIS SKILL IS INVALUABLE. It can lead you to opportunities that you might not have otherwise known about or had access to. It could land you a job of a lifetime, a friendship/partnership/relationship, adventure! You could introduce someone to someone else, and that introduction sparked a romance or a crazy great business idea and later, that someone remembers you when a great opportunity comes up. It is a constantly moving web of interaction and connection that can lead you to (great!) roads unknown!
10) Surround yourself with positive people. You are most influenced and most like the five people closest to you. Think about who your 'Five' are. Do they build you up and support you? Or do they tear you down? A little bit of refocusing and finding a community to support your goals and dreams could be all that you need to start achieving your goals.
11) STOP. WATCHING. TV. It's distracting and it's easy to do, so you aren't getting any value out of it for your mind or body. I guess there is something to be said for documentaries and shows with solid, informational content, but really, you can get that anywhere. Seriously. Just stop it. Do you really need to re-watch the season finale of The Mindy project? No.
12) Smile and say hello to people. It makes you memorable and it makes people feel good/want to be around you. It's easy and costs nothing! Even if you feel terrible, paste on a smile and you'll probably start to feel better anyway.
13) Say what you mean. Do not try to wrap things up in subtext and expect the other person to understand what you meant/wanted/felt. People can't read minds and it's very frustrating to try to improve communication and work on achieving goals in a relationship when one or both people are not being clear. Besides, if you just say what you actually meant in the first place, it gives the other person a chance to respond accordingly instead of spending valuable time trying to figure out what you meant.
14) Be serious about your health. Not only will you have more energy when you eat right and exercise, but feeling fantastic can improve your mental state too. I get very moody when I don't feel well. As I age, I'm starting to pay attention to what my body is trying to tell me because I'd rather spend more days feeling great than not. Plus, your brain releases hormones that make you feel good when you exercise! It's a win every time!
15) Learn how to be responsible with money. You can spend a whole lot of time doing things the wrong way and trying to dig yourself out of messes you made by not knowing. I've spent a lot of time in jobs I hate because I had to clean up some very stupid decisions. When you know what to do with money, you aren't a slave to it.
16) And one more thing for now. Listen to the news on a need-to-know basis. It's good to be aware of current issues, but don't hang on the media's every word. It's just one more negative influence to try to struggle against. I've spent many a days worrying over nuclear war and economic downturn. That heavy feeling in your chest takes you out of your element and holds you back. Have empathy for our fellow humans, be changed, reach out, but don't be beaten and worry over it.
So, that's what I've come up with so far. I know I'm not done marinating in my 'grown-up soup' and I hope to never be done. I want to continually grow, change, and be better. I am open to so many more life lessons and I can't wait to share them.
What are some things that you have learned as you've become and adult? Share in the comments below!
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